I distinctly remember a time of great chaos in my life when my first marriage ended and I’d moved into a small house about five-minutes from my former home. My daughter was nine at the time and my son was six.
My ex-wife and I were trying to come to an agreement on a parenting plan for shared custody of the children. It was a stressful time with lots of conflict, anger and chaos. Our children were also affected by the chaos. They were not sleeping well and trying to comprehend why their mom and dad were no longer together.
I’ve always enjoyed telling my children stories, and during this chaotic time reading to them and telling them stories became an important ritual for us. One of the books I read to them was, ‘Where the Red Fern Grows’ by Wilson Rawls.
Taking place in the Ozark Mountains in the early 1900’s, the story is about a boy named Billy who saves his money and buys two hunting dogs for racoon hunting. Billy names the hounds Old Dan and Little Ann and trains them. They become a renowned hunting trio and go on to win a $300 prize in a hunting competition. They have many adventures together until one night a mountain lion attacks them. The dogs protect Billy and fight and kill the mountain lion. However, Old Dan dies of the injuries he sustained in the fight and Little Ann dies a few weeks later.
When I was reading the scenes where the dogs die, I suddenly began to cry. My children looked at me and they began to cry too. The three of us let it all out. We held each other tight, and we cried and cried. As we sat there hugging each other, even in the midst of this wave of sadness, we knew we were going to be alright and we had each other.
I often reflect on that moment. It was amazing how suddenly this wave of sadness and emotion came over us. I now realize that even though the story was sad, we were each holding onto sadness about the chaos of the divorce, about losing the safety and security of our previous life, and afraid of the uncertainty of the future.
Sadness is something we all experience. I often find sadness is accompanied by other emotions and feelings of chaos, anger, grief, trauma, conflict. When dealing with sadness, I’ve found the things listed below help me to cope so I don’t get overwhelmed.
I remind myself it’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to cry and let it out. It’s a normal response to many circumstances.
I try to avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms (for me it’s alcohol or overeating).
I seek out family and friends for support. I talk things through with them, using them as a sounding board to help me make sense of the sadness.
I get outside and spend time in nature – taking a walk, hike, or sit under a tree.
I look for ways to laugh, find humor and ‘feel good’ again.
As you experience sadness I wish you well. Remember sadness may be upon you or visiting you but it does not define you.
Peace,
Steve
Peace,
Steve
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